Marriage  - Part I
  Typical macho man married typical  good-looking lady and after
          the wedding, he laid down the following  rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time  I want and
I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great  dinner to be  on
table unless I tell you that I won't be home  for  dinner. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing   when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time   about it. Those are my rules.
                          Any   comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me.  Just  understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock  every night  .........
whether you're here or  not."                         
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!) 
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Marriage- Part II
 Husband and wife had a  bitter quarrel on the day of their  
40th wedding  anniversary!
  The husband yells,
"When you die, I'm  getting you a headstone that  reads:
                "Here Lies My Wife - Cold  As Ever "
"Yeah?" she  replies.
"When you die, I'm  getting you a headstone that  reads:
               "Here Lies My Husband Stiff 
At Last"                         
(HE ASKED  FOR IT!)
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Marriage- Part  III
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a  fight at the  breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you  are no  
good in bed either,"
                   and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make   amends
and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many   rings, and the
irritated husband says, "what took you so long to   answer the phone?"
                     She says, "I was in bed."
                 "In bed  this early, doing  what?"
                    "Getting a second  opinion!"                
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING,  TOO!)
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Marriage- Part  IV
A man has six children and is very proud  of his  achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his   wife, Mother of Six"
inspite of her   objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides   that it's time to go
home and wants to find out if his wife is  ready  to leave as well. He
shouts at the top of his voice,  "Shall we  go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her  husband's lack  of discretion, shouts right
           back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of  Four."                          
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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Marriage- Part V
The Silent  Treatment
 A man  and his wife were having some  problems at home and were
giving  each other the silent  treatment. Suddenly, the man realized
that the next day,  he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for  an early  morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to
break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,   "Please
wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she   would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to   discover it was 
9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious,  he  was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him, when  he  noticed a piece of paper by the
          bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."



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Men are not equipped for these kinds of   contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but  there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.


